I’ve been seeing a therapist every week – surprise surprise! Until now there were only a handful of people who knew that. Now the whole world wide web knows – sorry mom. It’s been on my heart to share this with my readers because there is still a stigma surrounding mental health especially in the black community. We can share silly memes like this one:
…but we shy away from the real issues. Those days have come to an end for me. OK MAYBE I still act a tad crazy but I’ve stopped avoiding my issues and am working to be a better person! Here are the reasons why I decided to get my life back in order by seeing a therapist.
Issues from childhood – I’ve had some traumatic experiences that weren’t handled properly. As a result I have some
screws loose issues that have followed me through my entire life. This is very common with therapy patients. When a person suffers emotional trauma it takes time to form unhealthy habits that follow like self harm and anxiety. For the same reason it will take time to heal those old scars.
I thought I was depressed – Actually I KNEW I was depressed but I chose to stay in denial about it. “I’m not depressed I’m just tired.” “I don’t stay home all the time because I’m depressed I do it because I’m grinding to grow my business.” “This self-assessment quiz I took online says I’m mildly depressed but it’s wrong.” To no surprise my therapist diagnosed me on my first visit. Hearing and accepting this was a huge relief.
Someone encouraged me to go – I was having one of those hours long conversations with a lady I knew and she called me out. Said she could tell I was battling with some personal issues just by observing and listening to me. She had gone through therapy herself at one point in life and encouraged me to go. I didn’t want to but again I knew that I NEEDED to.
I was an expert at compartmentalizing – Because of my early trauma I had trained my brain to “forget” certain things. The mind is a powerful muscle I tell you! Basically I was good at putting things in mental boxes and not realizing how everything was connected to make me into the person I am today.
I had no one to talk to – I’m not an open book and it’s difficult for people to “read” me. Friendships faded and some of that was my own fault. I got so used to keeping everything to myself that I reached a point where I didn’t want to open up to anyone. And that shit got old.
I didn’t trust anyone with my feelings – On the surface I’ve never had trust issues in relationships or friendships. I never went through a man’s phone or became paranoid about infidelity. I always knew that I had good friends who had my back and wanted the best for me. But because I wasn’t honest with anyone about my inner most feelings – those things that really shape who I am – I was faced with the truth that those relationships were never as fulfilling as they could’ve been. This leads to my next reason…
I wanted healthy companionship – After being alone for so long I finally hit the point of wanting a relationship that had real growth potential. I already knew that this couldn’t be done without dealing with my issues. I wasn’t selfish enough to drag someone into my emotional mess. I had to deal with Candace.
I was tired of lying to myself – Telling myself I was OK. Telling myself I could handle everything on my own. Lies. I don’t even lie to other people. Chile if I don’t like you, you’ll know. If you ask me how your outfit looks and it doesn’t look right I’ll tell you. So why keep lying to myself? People in my family pray about everything and have faith it’ll all work out. That’s not good enough for me.
My business and blog were suffering – I lost motivation in every area of my life because of the depression that I couldn’t possibly have. *rolls eyes at self*
It was free – This was an absolute blessing. I literally had nothing to lose but my pride and dead weight. Even if I had to pay I still would’ve gone but this sealed the deal for me.
And there you have it! This is the most transparent that I’ve ever been on the blog – what a treat! But it feels good. I hope that the people I love make an effort to take better mental care of themselves rather than judge me after reading this, especially considering how
gossip word travels. I appreciate the encouragement I get from people that I’ve met through this platform. It’s especially an honor when people tell me they admire me for one reason or another. But I’m human too. When I’m finished writing sassy blog posts I still have to live life in this real world with my real issues. Sometimes I think we lose sight of that because there’s always an internet barrier.
Looking for more? Click here to find out what to expect at your first therapy session.
Have you ever seen a therapist? If not, do you think you could benefit from seeing one?
Until next time…