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Relationship_Advice_to_Ignore
Personal, Relationships

Ignorant Relationship Advice I Ignored

Everybody has an opinion about everything in someone else’s life. And that’s one of the many reasons that I choose to keep a lot of my personal business to myself. What works for one relationship won’t work for the masses and some people are too narrow minded to see beyond their own experiences. I’ve talked before about being chronically single and how to date when you fall into that category. When you’re single for an extended period of time well meaning people come from all directions with advice they think is helpful but is actually ignorant as hell. Here’s some that I’ve received over the years.

“LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HIM”

Awww, this sounds like good advice doesn’t it? It’s not and I’ll put it into context for you. At this time in my life I’d fallen for a man who was never around. Because of his career he travelled a lot and I’d see him once or twice a year. Though we weren’t in a relationship, there was a lot of history between us but we didn’t address our feelings.

The person who have me this piece of advice was in love with a man who wouldn’t marry her. She was advising me to put my life on hold and wait for someone who was rarely physically or emotionally present. Don’t date anyone else. Just hope that once this man was done gallivanting all over the world that he’d come back and choose me. Oh hell nah! If a relationship is meant to be it’ll be. Cliché as hell but it’s the truth. Live your life!

“YOU NEED TO BE MORE FEMININE”

If you believe in labels you’d say that I grew up as a “tomboy.” I was surrounded by brothers and male cousins. I loved playing with my Barbie dolls but I also liked being outside hitting a baseball bat. I liked video games and puzzles not makeup and tea parties. As a woman I’m clearly not the cover girl for femininity and I’m 1000% happy with that.

These people (yes, multiple people have told me this) believed that my chances of getting a man would be increased if I just changed a few things about myself. I would’ve agreed if I was easily impressionable…but I’m not. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being feminine IF that’s really who you are. But I refuse to pretend to be something that I’m not just to score a man who will wind up not loving me for me.

“YOU NEED TO COOK MORE”

Oh gosh…where to begin. We all know that saying about men and food. I’ve actually had men complain that I didn’t cook for them. The kicker – I wasn’t in a relationship with them. Laughing at them being so butt hurt was the only thing I could do. To be clear I LOVE to cook and I enjoy baking but these are things are a part of my love language. So I don’t do them for a man just because he shows some interest in me. I feel like men get so much from women these days with such little effort that they expect us all to open the floodgates of favors on command. No sir.

Oh, the person who gave me this piece of advice had been divorced for years and every relationship since the divorce has failed.

“HE HAS $. DEAL WITH IT!”

Earlier this year I was dating a nice guy who was 8 years older than me. He was respectful, he worked out regularly, he was close with the women in his family, was down for road trips and had a good career. A great career. Because of that I was told that I should accept the things about him that I didn’t like. Like the fact that he was inconsistent and that he didn’t have a nurturing bone in his body. I was told to think about the long term financial benefits. He has money now AND he still has potential to earn greatly later in life. I won’t commit myself to someone who is good for my wallet but does nothing for my soul.

The person who gave me this advice didn’t even have a job *sigh* so I guess this thought process would make sense. This person usually advises me greatly but dropped the ball with this one.

“YOU SHOULD GO THROUGH HIS PHONE”

We’ve all seen the videos and memes of people going through their SO’s phone and while it’s funny to watch online I don’t find it funny at all in real life. I used to joke that if a man really wanted to cheat on me he wouldn’t have to try too hard because I believe in giving people their personal space. I’m not going to hound you all day about where you are and who you’re with. I’m not going to question why you don’t answer every single time I call. If I’m in a relationship with you I expect you to be committed and I trust that you’re doing that until you give me reasons to believe otherwise. And then I leave.

This advice was given to me by someone who didn’t trust their boyfriend. He’d cheated on her before and going through phones was obviously routine in their relationship. She asked me straight up, “You don’t go through __’s phone?” Uhhh, no. TF?!

“YOU SHOULD’VE CHECKED HIM”

I have a strong personality and aggression is definitely one of my traits. Because of this people assume that I’m mean in my romantic relationships and that I don’t know how to treat my SO. I once was in a relationship with a man who challenged a family member of mine in a public setting. Of course that person felt disrespected and they in turn got on me for letting my boyfriend get away with it. What they didn’t know is that I ripped my BF a new one once we were alone. There are certain things that I refuse to do in public.

Always be authentic regardless of what other people think. Certain results may be delayed but the end result is always worth it.

What’s some terrible relationship advice that you’ve received in your past? Have you ever taken advice and regretted it?

Until next time…
The_Quirk_Life_Blog

Phrases_to_Boost_Black_King_Spirit
Relationships

10 Phrases to Boost the Spirit of Your Black King

I love black men. That’s a fact. It doesn’t change even though this country consistently portrays them in a negative light. The world tries to tear them down, but I won’t. I’m not perfect and I didn’t always use my tongue to build these Kings up in the past. I do believe that as young women we’ve underestimated how much power truly lied in our words at some point. Even when a man puts on an act like he isn’t listening – he might actually be. When you give him advice and he does the opposite – it doesn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t take what you had to say into consideration.

I didn’t always think this way. I used to talk AT men instead of TO them. I didn’t nurture them. I wasn’t sensitive to how hard this world was on them because I was raised to believe in the justice system. These days I know better. Supporting your King mentally and emotionally doesn’t always have to be a super deep or complex ritual. Try using these phrases on him. Continue Reading

Planning_First_Trip_with_a_Man
Relationships, Travel

Planning Your First Trip with a Guy

So the story goes…I was feeling overwhelmed. It had been over a year since I took a vacation.I started making silly mistakes with my work and feeling like I would cuss someone out over the simplest infraction. Yikes! Well, it turns out this guy I’ve been dating (we’ll call him ViC) was in need of a getaway too!

I’ve only been seeing ViC for a few months but we both agreed that we knew each other well enough to the point that it wouldn’t be “weird” to travel together. I was pleased to handle all the logistics! Neither of us had ever gone out of town with a romantic interest so so here’s what I did to make sure that we had a good experience. Continue Reading

Lessons_Dating_an_Older_Man
Relationships

Lessons From Dating an Older Man

I, Candace McGee am not accepting dates from men my age until further notice. Haha, kidding – or am I? *insert sideways smirk*

And to all the inquiring minds out there, no I don’t have Daddy issues. This trend of being with an older man isn’t something I ever planned to do. But we all know that girls mature faster than boys. Nah forreal. This isn’t even up for debate, k? Anyway in my dating experience of 8 months (not extensive but it’s enough for me to for me to write this post) I’ve realized that men I meet in my age range are rarely on my level mentally, emotionally or financially. So I finally decided to entertain a man that wasn’t in his 20’s…or even early 30’s.

I learned quickly that the stupid manipulations that I was able to get away with before wouldn’t work anymore. Dating an older man is like finally tasting lump crab meat after a lifetime of eating Subway’s Seafood Sensation. This is the real deal! Once you’ve had a taste of the finer things you won’t want to go back to a downgrade. Here’s how older men are different based on what I’ve experienced. Continue Reading

6_Dating_Lessons_Atlanta
Relationships

6 Things I’ve Learned Since Dating in Atlanta

When I first moved to Atlanta over a year ago, I made the decision not to date. I didn’t entertain anyone at all for the first 7 months because I had some personal issues to sort through. Fast forward to the present…

I’ve been dating for some time now and ever since I started, I’ve had at least 239 “WTF” moments. I’m no dating guru. I’m one of those chicks that’s either with you or I’m not. Hot or cold. Lukewarm – what’s that?! But I thought to give it a shot and see just what would happen. See what’s out there and enjoy what’s left of my 20’s. Here’s what I can tell you… Continue Reading

Saying_No_to_the_Yes_Man
Relationships

Saying No to the “Yes” Man

When it comes to relationships, I know that I don’t want a “yes” man. I’ve had plenty of them in my past. And although it may have been fun at the time, as I got older I realized that this kind of man isn’t what I NEED. In case you haven’t heard of this before, a “yes man” is simply a man who agrees with everything you say and gives you everything you want because he’s a people pleaser and wants your acceptance. This type of man will give you everything you want, which in theory sounds like a dream but I can tell you from experience that it’s not.

No, I’m not a traditionalist but I’m not a feminist either. Sure women are bosses these days and I’m all for it. Hell, I’m one myself. But in my relationship I NEED a man that can stand his ground, one who can tell me “no” if he believes it’s in my best interest or in the best interest of our relationship. A man who can think independently without the need to get my nod on everything that he does. A man who is confident and sure of himself.

You might be wondering, “Candace, what’s so wrong with a man that wants to please you and do anything to make you happy? Girl, you are tripping. Sounds like you want a man that ‘s going to treat you bad. Nice guys finish last with you.” Oh, I’ve heard it all before. Here are the reasons that this kind of man isn’t good for me, and why you might want to steer clear of them too. Continue Reading

4_Ways_to_be_Less_Selfish
Lifestyle, Relationships

4 Ways to be Less Selfish

Selfish: concerned chiefly or excessively with one’s own interest and advantage, especially to the point of total exclusion of the interests and welfare of others

It seems that people hate it when you call them selfish – even if they really are. So I’m not going to call you that today my friend. But you’re reading this post for a reason. Maybe you know someone who could use these tips. If so, please share it with them! Because of course YOU don’t need them at all! :-.) Continue Reading

When_Mr_Right_is_Missing_in_Action
Relationships

When Mr. Right is MIA

If you’re single or playing the field then you  might be familiar with this scenario…

  •  Meet someone you’re attracted to
  • Spend hours talking and texting
  • Start liking this person
  • Go out on a date
  • Spend more time on the phone
  • BOOM: something goes wrong
  • This person becomes a stranger again

And then repeat the cycle from top to bottom. Been there honey. I don’t know about you…but personally, after going through this a few times I am exhausted. That’s because I was dating with a purpose. When your desire is more than just a casual fling you put extra effort into getting to know someone and opening up to let them know who you are as well. And who has the energy to keep doing that with different people? “Not I” said the cat!

If that scenario above keeps happening in your life it’s probably time to make some changes. Continue Reading

5_Things_About_Online_Dating
Personal, Relationships

5 Things About Online Dating

I always said I’d never do the online dating thing. I didn’t think it was a “bad” idea and I know of many success stories. I just felt like it wasn’t for me. I’m a vibrant 20 something year old not a 45 year old divorced mom. No shade. Point being that I actually have time to go out and be social. I can meet a man myself if I want. I don’t need a website to do that for me. Continue Reading