Some decisions are easy to make – like taking an exciting new job or buying your dream home. Others are challenging and push you to limits. Thankfully some of the hard decisions that I made have paid off. I often get asked why I did something or how I pulled a task off. It’s not always easy for me to give a step by step because I tend to be very “in the moment” when I’m moving through life. One thing I know without doubt is that when something isn’t working in my favor (job, relationship, whatever) – I change it to put myself in a better position. Here’s a small peek into things I’ve done that have propelled my life.
Everybody has an opinion about everything in someone else’s life. And that’s one of the many reasons that I choose to keep a lot of my personal business to myself. What works for one relationship won’t work for the masses and some people are too narrow minded to see beyond their own experiences. I’ve talked before about being chronically single and how to date when you fall into that category. When you’re single for an extended period of time well meaning people come from all directions with advice they think is helpful but is actually ignorant as hell. Here’s some that I’ve received over the years.
I love black men. That’s a fact. It doesn’t change even though this country consistently portrays them in a negative light. The world tries to tear them down, but I won’t. I’m not perfect and I didn’t always use my tongue to build these Kings up in the past. I do believe that as young women we’ve underestimated how much power truly lied in our words at some point. Even when a man puts on an act like he isn’t listening – he might actually be. When you give him advice and he does the opposite – it doesn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t take what you had to say into consideration.
I didn’t always think this way. I used to talk AT men instead of TO them. I didn’t nurture them. I wasn’t sensitive to how hard this world was on them because I was raised to believe in the justice system. These days I know better. Supporting your King mentally and emotionally doesn’t always have to be a super deep or complex ritual. Try using these phrases on him.
So the story goes…I was feeling overwhelmed. It had been over a year since I took a vacation.I started making silly mistakes with my work and feeling like I would cuss someone out over the simplest infraction. Yikes! Well, it turns out this guy I’ve been dating (we’ll call him ViC) was in need of a getaway too!
I’ve only been seeing ViC for a few months but we both agreed that we knew each other well enough to the point that it wouldn’t be “weird” to travel together. I was pleased to handle all the logistics! Neither of us had ever gone out of town with a romantic interest so so here’s what I did to make sure that we had a good experience.
I, Candace McGee am not accepting dates from men my age until further notice. Haha, kidding – or am I? *insert sideways smirk*
And to all the inquiring minds out there, no I don’t have Daddy issues. This trend of being with an older man isn’t something I ever planned to do. But we all know that girls mature faster than boys. Nah forreal. This isn’t even up for debate, k? Anyway in my dating experience of 8 months (not extensive but it’s enough for me to for me to write this post) I’ve realized that men I meet in my age range are rarely on my level mentally, emotionally or financially. So I finally decided to entertain a man that wasn’t in his 20’s…or even early 30’s.
I learned quickly that the stupid manipulations that I was able to get away with before wouldn’t work anymore. Dating an older man is like finally tasting lump crab meat after a lifetime of eating Subway’s Seafood Sensation. This is the real deal! Once you’ve had a taste of the finer things you won’t want to go back to a downgrade. Here’s how older men are different based on what I’ve experienced.
When I first moved to Atlanta over a year ago, I made the decision not to date. I didn’t entertain anyone at all for the first 7 months because I had some personal issues to sort through. Fast forward to the present…
I’ve been dating for some time now and ever since I started, I’ve had at least 239 “WTF” moments. I’m no dating guru. I’m one of those chicks that’s either with you or I’m not. Hot or cold. Lukewarm – what’s that?! But I thought to give it a shot and see just what would happen. See what’s out there and enjoy what’s left of my 20’s. Here’s what I can tell you…
When it comes to relationships, I know that I don’t want a “yes” man. I’ve had plenty of them in my past. And although it may have been fun at the time, as I got older I realized that this kind of man isn’t what I NEED. In case you haven’t heard of this before, a “yes man” is simply a man who agrees with everything you say and gives you everything you want because he’s a people pleaser and wants your acceptance. This type of man will give you everything you want, which in theory sounds like a dream but I can tell you from experience that it’s not.
No, I’m not a traditionalist but I’m not a feminist either. Sure women are bosses these days and I’m all for it. Hell, I’m one myself. But in my relationship I NEED a man that can stand his ground, one who can tell me “no” if he believes it’s in my best interest or in the best interest of our relationship. A man who can think independently without the need to get my nod on everything that he does. A man who is confident and sure of himself.
You might be wondering, “Candace, what’s so wrong with a man that wants to please you and do anything to make you happy? Girl, you are tripping. Sounds like you want a man that ‘s going to treat you bad. Nice guys finish last with you.” Oh, I’ve heard it all before. Here are the reasons that this kind of man isn’t good for me, and why you might want to steer clear of them too.
Selfish: concerned chiefly or excessively with one’s own interest and advantage, especially to the point of total exclusion of the interests and welfare of others
It seems that people hate it when you call them selfish – even if they really are. So I’m not going to call you that today my friend. But you’re reading this post for a reason. Maybe you know someone who could use these tips. If so, please share it with them! Because of course YOU don’t need them at all! :-.)
If you’re single or playing the field then you might be familiar with this scenario…
- Meet someone you’re attracted to
- Spend hours talking and texting
- Start liking this person
- Go out on a date
- Spend more time on the phone
- BOOM: something goes wrong
- This person becomes a stranger again
And then repeat the cycle from top to bottom. Been there honey. I don’t know about you…but personally, after going through this a few times I am exhausted. That’s because I was dating with a purpose. When your desire is more than just a casual fling you put extra effort into getting to know someone and opening up to let them know who you are as well. And who has the energy to keep doing that with different people? “Not I” said the cat!
I always said I’d never do the online dating thing. I didn’t think it was a “bad” idea and I know of many success stories. I just felt like it wasn’t for me. I’m a vibrant 20 something year old not a 45 year old divorced mom. No shade. Point being that I actually have time to go out and be social. I can meet a man myself if I want. I don’t need a website to do that for me.