Everybody has an opinion about everything in someone else’s life. And that’s one of the many reasons that I choose to keep a lot of my personal business to myself. What works for one relationship won’t work for the masses and some people are too narrow minded to see beyond their own experiences. I’ve talked before about being chronically single and how to date when you fall into that category. When you’re single for an extended period of time well meaning people come from all directions with advice they think is helpful but is actually ignorant as hell. Here’s some that I’ve received over the years.
I love black men. That’s a fact. It doesn’t change even though this country consistently portrays them in a negative light. The world tries to tear them down, but I won’t. I’m not perfect and I didn’t always use my tongue to build these Kings up in the past. I do believe that as young women we’ve underestimated how much power truly lied in our words at some point. Even when a man puts on an act like he isn’t listening – he might actually be. When you give him advice and he does the opposite – it doesn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t take what you had to say into consideration.
I didn’t always think this way. I used to talk AT men instead of TO them. I didn’t nurture them. I wasn’t sensitive to how hard this world was on them because I was raised to believe in the justice system. These days I know better. Supporting your King mentally and emotionally doesn’t always have to be a super deep or complex ritual. Try using these phrases on him.
When I first moved to Atlanta over a year ago, I made the decision not to date. I didn’t entertain anyone at all for the first 7 months because I had some personal issues to sort through. Fast forward to the present…
I’ve been dating for some time now and ever since I started, I’ve had at least 239 “WTF” moments. I’m no dating guru. I’m one of those chicks that’s either with you or I’m not. Hot or cold. Lukewarm – what’s that?! But I thought to give it a shot and see just what would happen. See what’s out there and enjoy what’s left of my 20’s. Here’s what I can tell you…
When it comes to relationships, I know that I don’t want a “yes” man. I’ve had plenty of them in my past. And although it may have been fun at the time, as I got older I realized that this kind of man isn’t what I NEED. In case you haven’t heard of this before, a “yes man” is simply a man who agrees with everything you say and gives you everything you want because he’s a people pleaser and wants your acceptance. This type of man will give you everything you want, which in theory sounds like a dream but I can tell you from experience that it’s not.
No, I’m not a traditionalist but I’m not a feminist either. Sure women are bosses these days and I’m all for it. Hell, I’m one myself. But in my relationship I NEED a man that can stand his ground, one who can tell me “no” if he believes it’s in my best interest or in the best interest of our relationship. A man who can think independently without the need to get my nod on everything that he does. A man who is confident and sure of himself.
You might be wondering, “Candace, what’s so wrong with a man that wants to please you and do anything to make you happy? Girl, you are tripping. Sounds like you want a man that ‘s going to treat you bad. Nice guys finish last with you.” Oh, I’ve heard it all before. Here are the reasons that this kind of man isn’t good for me, and why you might want to steer clear of them too.
If you’re single or playing the field then you might be familiar with this scenario…
- Meet someone you’re attracted to
- Spend hours talking and texting
- Start liking this person
- Go out on a date
- Spend more time on the phone
- BOOM: something goes wrong
- This person becomes a stranger again
And then repeat the cycle from top to bottom. Been there honey. I don’t know about you…but personally, after going through this a few times I am exhausted. That’s because I was dating with a purpose. When your desire is more than just a casual fling you put extra effort into getting to know someone and opening up to let them know who you are as well. And who has the energy to keep doing that with different people? “Not I” said the cat!
Raise your hand if “chronically single” seems like a fitting description of your love life. Now raise it if you consider yourself a loner. *raises hand*
Unfortunately we live in a time where people still think that there’s something terribly wrong if you’re not involved in a romantic situation. Situation, not relationship because the trend seems to be more about codependency rather than an actual partnership. OK, hopping off of the soapbox now.
I understand that as you get older, the picture of “success” might include having someone to share your life with. But how do you date with sense when you’re used to being alone? It may not seem like a difficult transition but I can tell you from experience that it’s no walk in the park. Here’s what I’ve figured out…
I always said I’d never do the online dating thing. I didn’t think it was a “bad” idea and I know of many success stories. I just felt like it wasn’t for me. I’m a vibrant 20 something year old not a 45 year old divorced mom. No shade. Point being that I actually have time to go out and be social. I can meet a man myself if I want. I don’t need a website to do that for me.
It’s that time – Valentine’s Day is coming up and you can’t avoid it, advertisements are everywhere! Lately there’s been a great resurgence on my timeline of memes about heartbreak. You know the ones. They go something like this…
And then they get even more somber. He cheated, he pretended that he cared when he really didn’t, he didn’t know “how” to love her. It’s usually the same folks that post these kinds of things and we all notice the patterns.
“Relationships” is such a touchy subject. Us
women people get so emotional at times when it can sometimes be very simple. And it seems that one of the simple overlooked things is thinking you’re in a relationship when you really aren’t.
Heyyy love birds! Yesterday was officially the first day of Winter – already. OMG 2016 is basically here and I’m not ready!
Okay, enough whining…
I gave you Summer Date Night Ideas earlier this year and it was a hit! Well, here we go again. Winter gets it bad. Everyone is all excited for Fall: dark lippies, layers and PSL’s – oh my! But then we just want to spring into Spring. Ha, see what I did there? But there’s still plenty to do during this time of the year, especially if you live in a well populated area. Don’t let your sizzle fizzle (I’m on a roll here) just because it’s cold out.