When it comes to relationships, I know that I don’t want a “yes” man. I’ve had plenty of them in my past. And although it may have been fun at the time, as I got older I realized that this kind of man isn’t what I NEED. In case you haven’t heard of this before, a “yes man” is simply a man who agrees with everything you say and gives you everything you want because he’s a people pleaser and wants your acceptance. This type of man will give you everything you want, which in theory sounds like a dream but I can tell you from experience that it’s not.
No, I’m not a traditionalist but I’m not a feminist either. Sure women are bosses these days and I’m all for it. Hell, I’m one myself. But in my relationship I NEED a man that can stand his ground, one who can tell me “no” if he believes it’s in my best interest or in the best interest of our relationship. A man who can think independently without the need to get my nod on everything that he does. A man who is confident and sure of himself.
You might be wondering, “Candace, what’s so wrong with a man that wants to please you and do anything to make you happy? Girl, you are tripping. Sounds like you want a man that ‘s going to treat you bad. Nice guys finish last with you.” Oh, I’ve heard it all before. Here are the reasons that this kind of man isn’t good for me, and why you might want to steer clear of them too.
HE HAS NO TRUE IDENTITY
What kind of movies does he like? Does he prefer checkered button ups or a polo? Rap music or country? Does he want a thriving career that lets him travel all the time or a 9-5 that lets him be home with his family every night? For a yes man, the answers to these questions might be based around everything you like or want. Sorry but I’m not the type of woman that wants to be my man’s complete world. Baby, go your thing, I’ll do mine and once we’re done being bosses for the day I’ll be right here for you.
HE WILL HAVE A JEALOUS STREAK
Which makes sense because his universe revolves around you. This man will be fiercely loyal to you and of course you should be the same way if you’re in a committed relationship. However, the issues will arise when you express your loyalty in a different way. So if you don’t have him on the same pedestal then problems are bound to arise. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “You don’t love me the same way I love you.” That’s an unhealthy situation to be in.
HE WON’T TAKE CRITICISM WELL
Constructive criticism that is. The “yes” man will take everything to heart – good and bad. You know the inner voice that says “I know who I am and I love myself, flaws and all.”? Well the yes man doesn’t have it. You’ll start to keep your critiques to yourself so he doesn’t get upset. Even if multiple people give the same criticism, he still takes offense rather than thinking that there’s a possibility that change needs to happen. This evolves into a man who won’t change and that’s a man who can’t grow.
YOU’LL FEEL ALONE
Yeah I know from personal experience. You can’t get sound advice from a “yes man.” Remember, he has no true identity. This man will say whatever he thinks you want to hear. Even if he has an opinion he won’t say it with confidence. Why? Because he wants to avoid conflict. To be clear, conflict can be healthy and even necessary in mature relationships. If you have a yes man he probably won’t be the first one you run to in times of trouble. And that will put your relationship…well, in trouble.
To sum this up – there is one thing that a “yes” man seems to want above anything else. Your approval. To the outsiders looking in this man adores you and is just the sweetest. But only you know what really goes on behind the closed doors of your relationship. The “yes” man isn’t a bad person at all! You have to decide if he’s the right kind of man for you. He’s just not for me.
Have you had any experiences with this a “yes” man? How’d things turn out? Does this sound like the kind of man you’d be interested in?
Until next time…