I know it’s been awhile since we talked – I mean really, I’m getting closer to 30. This is no time to be prideful though. I’m kind of desperate you know. I’ve been told that you aren’t real and I’m sure you just hate that. You do so much every year and you don’t even get credit. How lame is that?
But here’s your chance to prove that you ARE real. If you do these things, I’ll restore my faith in you and tell the world of all your holiday generosity. I won’t even bore you with long paragraphs. I’m keeping this short and simple for you, alright? Alright Santa…here’s what I want for Christmas this year…
My circa 2009 body: No I don’t want to eat healthy and exercise. Just give me this body back and I’ll maintain it going forward. In case you need a reminder, here you go…
Bring snow to Georgia. This might be my first year ever without it. But you can change that!
Have Derek Morgan spend Christmas day with me. And make sure he addresses me as “Baby Girl” the entire time that we’re together. Please don’t send Shemar Moore. Send Derek Morgan.
An unlimited Costco budget. You can just go ahead and make it rain Costco gift cards down on me. I’ll be forever grateful I swear!
Decisiveness. Wait, do I really want this? Yeah I do. But wait, then I’ll never weigh my options and may make the wrong decision. Ok never mind I’ll stick with indecisiveness.
The perfect bantu knot out. Okay Santa…real talk. Traditionally you’re a white man, but I’m black. And I know you may not understand what a bantu knot out is or how important it is to my people. But just trust me here – I need this!
Give me zero balances. When a mysterious computer glitch wipes away all of my debt, I’ll know it was you. Don’t worry it’s just between us.
Surely this isn’t too much for a man like you Santa. And I know you only come once a year, so show out! I’m patiently waiting.
Your long lost friend who still loves you so much – Candace.
If it was really this easy, what would you ask Santa for this year?
PS: Entries are rolling in for the giveaway! Up for grabs is a $50 Walmart gift card and a holiday scented candle. Use the form below to enter. Good luck!