It’s that time – Valentine’s Day is coming up and you can’t avoid it, advertisements are everywhere! Lately there’s been a great resurgence on my timeline of memes about heartbreak. You know the ones. They go something like this…
And then they get even more somber. He cheated, he pretended that he cared when he really didn’t, he didn’t know “how” to love her. It’s usually the same folks that post these kinds of things and we all notice the patterns.
“Relationships” is such a touchy subject. Us
women people get so emotional at times when it can sometimes be very simple. And it seems that one of the simple overlooked things is thinking you’re in a relationship when you really aren’t. I know it might be a tough pill to swallow but do it anyway. It’s for your good! To keep up with the trends, I’ll use the term “talking.”
“Talking” aka Dating. The time that two people who are romantically interested in each other get to know one another. During this time they may…
-Learn of each other’s likes and dislikes
-Discuss future life plans (not as an item, but separately). Career goals, 5 year plan, those kinds of things
-Put each other through mini tests to see if things could go to the next level. For example, he may pay attention to how she responds if he gets sick. Or she may check his reaction if she catches a flat tire
-Date and have sex with other people
Ouch! Didn’t see that last one coming, huh?
Monogamous Relationship. When two people have a conversation/mutual agreement and decide that they will be committed to each other. During this time they may…
-Discuss future life plans as an item. What areas to live in, reproduction, vacations
-Hang out with each other’s family
-Introduce each other as “boyfriend,” “girlfriend” or “fiance”
-NOT build a bond or have sex with other people
Notice something. Sex is not required in either of these. And that my friends is where a lot of us
women people get it twisted. It doesn’t matter how good you are in bed when it comes to the separation of dating and relationships. See the description for monogamous relationship? There’s an understanding at that point. You’re all about me and I’m all about you. Your body shouldn’t be offered as a sacrifice in place of this candid conversation.
I know he’s a good cuddler, he’s affectionate, he spends money AND time on you and he’s respectful. He always answers your texts and calls. Get this…he could even utter those sweet words “I love you.” And he might really have a certain level of love and care for you. But don’t get it twisted. If he doesn’t say he’s ready to be in a relationship with you, then he isn’t. And his actions will prove it.
I’m not saying anything groundbreaking here. I just want the
women people on my timeline to remember that just because you’re consistently giving yourself to someone mentally, emotionally or physically doesn’t mean that they’re committed to you. As far as Valentine’s Day, don’t let one little man made holiday cloud your judgement. So if you’re “talking” to someone right now, keep this in the forefront of your mind. This isn’t about having a guard up it’s about being realistic.
Do you consider dating and being in a relationship the same? How long do you date someone before making a commitment or walking away?