Raise your hand if “chronically single” seems like a fitting description of your love life. Now raise it if you consider yourself a loner. *raises hand*
Unfortunately we live in a time where people still think that there’s something terribly wrong if you’re not involved in a romantic situation. Situation, not relationship because the trend seems to be more about codependency rather than an actual partnership. OK, hopping off of the soapbox now.
I understand that as you get older, the picture of “success” might include having someone to share your life with. But how do you date with sense when you’re used to being alone? It may not seem like a difficult transition but I can tell you from experience that it’s no walk in the park. Here’s what I’ve figured out…
MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results – that’s what Albert Einstein said. Sounds about right. When you’re dating it’s a good idea to explore different options. Personally I always said that I would never date someone with children (which drastically cuts my prospects, haha). I met a guy who had one child but he wound up being nice and treating me so well that I was able to overlook this. As I mentioned before, have your non negotiables and be flexible on the rest. For me I also had to make the choice to be less rigid and more emotionally open. It’s paid off :-.)
BALANCE YOUR GUT WITH OVERTHINKING
We all have that little radar inside that tells us when something or someone isn’t right. This is discernment/intuition and it’s a natural warning or defense mechanism. Then you have the process of overthinking which is NOT natural. It comes from past experiences and disappointments. Analyzing isn’t necessarily bad to do but trust your gut more. As a loner you can get so used to the negative that you create problems in your head that never even existed. Find some chill please.
DON’T BE OVERLY EAGER OR DESPERATE
I know I know. You’ve been a lone star forever and you now have sooooo much love to give. That’s beneficial for the right person and that person only. Don’t give everything you have to offer away to the wrong person at the wrong time. It’s OK to take things slow. Even if it’s the other person that’s moving too fast let them know if you’re uncomfortable. Your energy needs to be protected.
…just because you’re tired of being lonely. Compromise, yes. Settle, no. The difference? When you compromise with someone both people gain something out of the deal. That won’t happen when you settle and you’ll probably lose some inner peace as well. If it ain’t right, it just ain’t right!
DON’T LOSE YOURSELF
Keep up with your hobbies. If you don’t have any then find some new ones. It can be easy to get so wrapped up in your new romance that you put off doing the dishes, doing homework, making healthy meals or whatever your routine includes. You still need to have a full life outside of the person you’re dating. This continues to be true as you develop a relationship and even get into marriage…but that’s another post for another day.
DON’T BE SECRETIVE
To know me is to know that I’m a private person. I don’t talk about my love life online and the people close to me are left in the dark a lot too. However, when seeing someone new it’s a good practice to share basic information about them with a person you trust for safety reasons. Government name, phone number and place of employment are good things to start with. If you have an address, share that as well. There should be at least one person that knows these kinds of details should anything suspicious happen. Come on now, it’s 2016 you have to protect yourself.
YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS
Bottom line. Don’t self sabotage a good situation because you’ve had some bad experiences in the past. Don’t get stuck in the mindset that there aren’t any good men or women left. Dating should be light, fun and full of possibility!
Has it been awhile since you went on a legit date? Do you find it hard to meet someone that you can take seriously?
PS: The bog survey is still open and I’d so appreciate it if you took a few minutes to complete it! It’s only 7 questions and will be a big help to me as I continue to create posts for you. Find the survey here.
Until next time…