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Relationship_Advice_to_Ignore
Personal, Relationships

Ignorant Relationship Advice I Ignored

Everybody has an opinion about everything in someone else’s life. And that’s one of the many reasons that I choose to keep a lot of my personal business to myself. What works for one relationship won’t work for the masses and some people are too narrow minded to see beyond their own experiences. I’ve talked before about being chronically single and how to date when you fall into that category. When you’re single for an extended period of time well meaning people come from all directions with advice they think is helpful but is actually ignorant as hell. Here’s some that I’ve received over the years.

“LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HIM”

Awww, this sounds like good advice doesn’t it? It’s not and I’ll put it into context for you. At this time in my life I’d fallen for a man who was never around. Because of his career he travelled a lot and I’d see him once or twice a year. Though we weren’t in a relationship, there was a lot of history between us but we didn’t address our feelings.

The person who have me this piece of advice was in love with a man who wouldn’t marry her. She was advising me to put my life on hold and wait for someone who was rarely physically or emotionally present. Don’t date anyone else. Just hope that once this man was done gallivanting all over the world that he’d come back and choose me. Oh hell nah! If a relationship is meant to be it’ll be. Cliché as hell but it’s the truth. Live your life!

“YOU NEED TO BE MORE FEMININE”

If you believe in labels you’d say that I grew up as a “tomboy.” I was surrounded by brothers and male cousins. I loved playing with my Barbie dolls but I also liked being outside hitting a baseball bat. I liked video games and puzzles not makeup and tea parties. As a woman I’m clearly not the cover girl for femininity and I’m 1000% happy with that.

These people (yes, multiple people have told me this) believed that my chances of getting a man would be increased if I just changed a few things about myself. I would’ve agreed if I was easily impressionable…but I’m not. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being feminine IF that’s really who you are. But I refuse to pretend to be something that I’m not just to score a man who will wind up not loving me for me.

“YOU NEED TO COOK MORE”

Oh gosh…where to begin. We all know that saying about men and food. I’ve actually had men complain that I didn’t cook for them. The kicker – I wasn’t in a relationship with them. Laughing at them being so butt hurt was the only thing I could do. To be clear I LOVE to cook and I enjoy baking but these are things are a part of my love language. So I don’t do them for a man just because he shows some interest in me. I feel like men get so much from women these days with such little effort that they expect us all to open the floodgates of favors on command. No sir.

Oh, the person who gave me this piece of advice had been divorced for years and every relationship since the divorce has failed.

“HE HAS $. DEAL WITH IT!”

Earlier this year I was dating a nice guy who was 8 years older than me. He was respectful, he worked out regularly, he was close with the women in his family, was down for road trips and had a good career. A great career. Because of that I was told that I should accept the things about him that I didn’t like. Like the fact that he was inconsistent and that he didn’t have a nurturing bone in his body. I was told to think about the long term financial benefits. He has money now AND he still has potential to earn greatly later in life. I won’t commit myself to someone who is good for my wallet but does nothing for my soul.

The person who gave me this advice didn’t even have a job *sigh* so I guess this thought process would make sense. This person usually advises me greatly but dropped the ball with this one.

“YOU SHOULD GO THROUGH HIS PHONE”

We’ve all seen the videos and memes of people going through their SO’s phone and while it’s funny to watch online I don’t find it funny at all in real life. I used to joke that if a man really wanted to cheat on me he wouldn’t have to try too hard because I believe in giving people their personal space. I’m not going to hound you all day about where you are and who you’re with. I’m not going to question why you don’t answer every single time I call. If I’m in a relationship with you I expect you to be committed and I trust that you’re doing that until you give me reasons to believe otherwise. And then I leave.

This advice was given to me by someone who didn’t trust their boyfriend. He’d cheated on her before and going through phones was obviously routine in their relationship. She asked me straight up, “You don’t go through __’s phone?” Uhhh, no. TF?!

“YOU SHOULD’VE CHECKED HIM”

I have a strong personality and aggression is definitely one of my traits. Because of this people assume that I’m mean in my romantic relationships and that I don’t know how to treat my SO. I once was in a relationship with a man who challenged a family member of mine in a public setting. Of course that person felt disrespected and they in turn got on me for letting my boyfriend get away with it. What they didn’t know is that I ripped my BF a new one once we were alone. There are certain things that I refuse to do in public.

Always be authentic regardless of what other people think. Certain results may be delayed but the end result is always worth it.

What’s some terrible relationship advice that you’ve received in your past? Have you ever taken advice and regretted it?

Until next time…
The_Quirk_Life_Blog

Why_I_Stopped_Going_to_Church
Lifestyle, Personal

Why I Stopped Going to Church

So yesterday was Easter Sunday. I was raised in church all my life and was even faithful until a year and a half ago. Grandma consistently asks me if I’ve been going to church though and yesterday was no different. If the title of this post doesn’t give you a clue – no I didn’t go to church for Easter.

I haven’t hopped on the bandwagon of people who are too “woke”for church. I’m not even going to use the reasoning that I’m a Millennial and so forward thinking even though it’s true. The fact is that people keep asking me why I stopped going. I used to be a Jesus fanatic (seriously my Facebook memories about this fact are so annoying). I invited people to church often and they actually came. But that’s not the case anymore and here’s why. Continue Reading

What_Happens_When_You_Start_Seeing_a_Therapist
Health & Beauty, Lifestyle, Personal

What Happens When You Start Seeing a Therapist

By now you probably know that I’m seeing a therapist. It’s one of the best decisions that I’ve made for myself. If you’re thinking about finding a therapist you might wonder if it’ll be worth it. The short version is AB-SO-FREAKING-LUTELY. OK – ‘yes’ is the shortest version. Here are some things that will happen once you get into the routine of seeing a therapist. Continue Reading

Why_I_Started_Seeing_a_Therapist
Health & Beauty, Lifestyle, Personal

Why I Started Seeing a Therapist

I’ve been seeing a therapist every week – surprise surprise! Until now there were only a handful of people who knew that. Now the whole world wide web knows – sorry mom. It’s been on my heart to share this with my readers because there is still a stigma surrounding mental health especially in the black community. We can share silly memes like this one:

Why_I_Started_Seeing_a_Therapist

Photo Cred: IG – everythinglovely

 …but we shy away from the real issues. Those days have come to an end for me. OK MAYBE I still act a tad crazy but I’ve stopped avoiding my issues and am working to be a better person! Here are the reasons why I decided to get my life back in order by seeing a therapist. Continue Reading

What_to_do_Before_Getting_Your_First_Blowout
Health & Beauty, Personal

What to Do Before Getting Your First Blowout

I’ve been rocking natural hair since 2011. I did the “big chop” and haven’t even touched a relaxer since. As it grew longer, people kept telling me to get it pressed so they could see how long it really was. Even my hair stylist at the time asked me multiple times to let her do it. For me it wasn’t a big deal to have straight hair anymore. I’d had it as long as I could remember.

One time I did have a full sew in and left a piece of my hair out to blend. I was exercising 5 times a week and pressed that leave out piece after each workout so it would lay flat. Big mistake! Those pieces of hair never returned to my natural curling pattern again – ever. I had to wait for it to grow out and trim it off which took a couple of years. Continue Reading

5_Things_About_Online_Dating
Personal, Relationships

5 Things About Online Dating

I always said I’d never do the online dating thing. I didn’t think it was a “bad” idea and I know of many success stories. I just felt like it wasn’t for me. I’m a vibrant 20 something year old not a 45 year old divorced mom. No shade. Point being that I actually have time to go out and be social. I can meet a man myself if I want. I don’t need a website to do that for me. Continue Reading

12_Things_I_Love_About_Being_Black
Personal

12 Things I Love About Being Black

All of the recent events surrounding black people in the media have left me with a ball of feelings that I’m still sorting through. As a race we’ve had to overcome a lot and still have hurdles in the near distance. We don’t have it easy in Amerikkka but one thing is for sure – I LOVE being a BLACK woman today. I don’t need skin bleaching or filters on my photos to distort my complexion. I am who I am and I’ll never want to change it.

Here are 12 reasons I love being BLACK. Continue Reading

That_Time_I_Was_a_Cat_Owner
All in Fun, Personal

That Time I Was a Cat Owner

“I hate cats.”

I’ve been saying that pretty much forever. I wasn’t allowed to have pets growing up (outside of a boring Beta which died quickly) and since being an adult all I’ve ever had are rabbits. After moving to Georgia I toyed around with the thought of having a dog. More for companionship than anything. Owning a dog comes with a lot of responsibility that I wasn’t totally ready for. So I put the idea out of my mind at least temporarily.

In comes this text from my little cousin… Continue Reading

10_Things_More_Important_than_Choosing_a_Sexual_Partner
All in Fun, Personal, Relationships

10 Things More Important than Choosing a Sexual Partner

When I chose to give my virginity away it was a no brainer for me. I had a boyfriend and I was in (puppy) love with him. You couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t going to marry this boy and have all his babies. So naturally I chose him to be my “first.” I was aware of abstinence but no one put pressure on me to wait until marriage or a certain point in my life before having sex.

Of course I’m not with the boy anymore but giving him my virginity isn’t something that I regret. Times have changed a lot and women are able to be free with their bodies and not get ridiculed about it as much (tattoos, piercings, tight clothes, fishnet tights, thongs – you get it). Some young girls and women still feel the pressure of not having sex until marriage or some other pivotal point in their lives. This is especially true for people who come from a religious family. The argument is “there’s more to you than what’s between your legs. Let a man appreciate your totality as a person. Make him respect you.”

I know they mean well. But this can be a bit counteractive, don’t you think? They say she’s SOOO much more than her genitals and body but that’s what keeps getting drilled in her head. Speaking from personal experience, here are some things that are much more difficult to choose than a sexual partner. Continue Reading