So yesterday was Easter Sunday. I was raised in church all my life and was even faithful until a year and a half ago. Grandma consistently asks me if I’ve been going to church though and yesterday was no different. If the title of this post doesn’t give you a clue – no I didn’t go to church for Easter.
I haven’t hopped on the bandwagon of people who are too “woke”for church. I’m not even going to use the reasoning that I’m a Millennial and so forward thinking even though it’s true. The fact is that people keep asking me why I stopped going. I used to be a Jesus fanatic (seriously my Facebook memories about this fact are so annoying). I invited people to church often and they actually came. But that’s not the case anymore and here’s why.
By now you probably know that I’m seeing a therapist. It’s one of the best decisions that I’ve made for myself. If you’re thinking about finding a therapist you might wonder if it’ll be worth it. The short version is AB-SO-FREAKING-LUTELY. OK – ‘yes’ is the shortest version. Here are some things that will happen once you get into the routine of seeing a therapist.
After this post you might might be considering getting a therapist. If so, great! Personally, making that call to set up the first appointment was hard. I straight up told my therapist that even though I needed to talk to her, I really didn’t want to. I also didn’t know what exactly would happen at the first appointment.
What you should do…
I’ve been seeing a therapist every week – surprise surprise! Until now there were only a handful of people who knew that. Now the whole world wide web knows – sorry mom. It’s been on my heart to share this with my readers because there is still a stigma surrounding mental health especially in the black community. We can share silly memes like this one:
Photo Cred: IG – everythinglovely
…but we shy away from the real issues. Those days have come to an end for me. OK MAYBE I still act a tad crazy but I’ve stopped avoiding my issues and am working to be a better person! Here are the reasons why I decided to get my life back in order by seeing a therapist.
I’ve been rocking natural hair since 2011. I did the “big chop” and haven’t even touched a relaxer since. As it grew longer, people kept telling me to get it pressed so they could see how long it really was. Even my hair stylist at the time asked me multiple times to let her do it. For me it wasn’t a big deal to have straight hair anymore. I’d had it as long as I could remember.
One time I did have a full sew in and left a piece of my hair out to blend. I was exercising 5 times a week and pressed that leave out piece after each workout so it would lay flat. Big mistake! Those pieces of hair never returned to my natural curling pattern again – ever. I had to wait for it to grow out and trim it off which took a couple of years.
I always said I’d never do the online dating thing. I didn’t think it was a “bad” idea and I know of many success stories. I just felt like it wasn’t for me. I’m a vibrant 20 something year old not a 45 year old divorced mom. No shade. Point being that I actually have time to go out and be social. I can meet a man myself if I want. I don’t need a website to do that for me.
All of the recent events surrounding black people in the media have left me with a ball of feelings that I’m still sorting through. As a race we’ve had to overcome a lot and still have hurdles in the near distance. We don’t have it easy in Amerikkka but one thing is for sure – I LOVE being a BLACK woman today. I don’t need skin bleaching or filters on my photos to distort my complexion. I am who I am and I’ll never want to change it.
Here are 12 reasons I love being BLACK.
“I hate cats.”
I’ve been saying that pretty much forever. I wasn’t allowed to have pets growing up (outside of a boring Beta which died quickly) and since being an adult all I’ve ever had are rabbits. After moving to Georgia I toyed around with the thought of having a dog. More for companionship than anything. Owning a dog comes with a lot of responsibility that I wasn’t totally ready for. So I put the idea out of my mind at least temporarily.
In comes this text from my little cousin…
When I chose to give my virginity away it was a no brainer for me. I had a boyfriend and I was in (puppy) love with him. You couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t going to marry this boy and have all his babies. So naturally I chose him to be my “first.” I was aware of abstinence but no one put pressure on me to wait until marriage or a certain point in my life before having sex.
Of course I’m not with the boy anymore but giving him my virginity isn’t something that I regret. Times have changed a lot and women are able to be free with their bodies and not get ridiculed about it as much (tattoos, piercings, tight clothes, fishnet tights, thongs – you get it). Some young girls and women still feel the pressure of not having sex until marriage or some other pivotal point in their lives. This is especially true for people who come from a religious family. The argument is “there’s more to you than what’s between your legs. Let a man appreciate your totality as a person. Make him respect you.”
I know they mean well. But this can be a bit counteractive, don’t you think? They say she’s SOOO much more than her genitals and body but that’s what keeps getting drilled in her head. Speaking from personal experience, here are some things that are much more difficult to choose than a sexual partner.
I’m not ashamed to say that deep down I’m still a big kid. Maybe that’s why children are so drawn to me. I loved coloring as a child and trying different techniques and effects with patterns. I never really outgrew the past time, I guess just got older and it was no longer the norm for an adult to use a coloring book.
I won’t lie – I thought about buying one and just using it to pass time and relieve stress. But every coloring book had some overrated animated character as the theme. Dora the Explorer, Hello Kitty and Ninja Turtles aren’t exactly what I want to use. But then…