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Candace McGee

Relationship_Advice_to_Ignore
Personal, Relationships

Ignorant Relationship Advice I Ignored

Everybody has an opinion about everything in someone else’s life. And that’s one of the many reasons that I choose to keep a lot of my personal business to myself. What works for one relationship won’t work for the masses and some people are too narrow minded to see beyond their own experiences. I’ve talked before about being chronically single and how to date when you fall into that category. When you’re single for an extended period of time well meaning people come from all directions with advice they think is helpful but is actually ignorant as hell. Here’s some that I’ve received over the years.

“LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HIM”

Awww, this sounds like good advice doesn’t it? It’s not and I’ll put it into context for you. At this time in my life I’d fallen for a man who was never around. Because of his career he travelled a lot and I’d see him once or twice a year. Though we weren’t in a relationship, there was a lot of history between us but we didn’t address our feelings.

The person who have me this piece of advice was in love with a man who wouldn’t marry her. She was advising me to put my life on hold and wait for someone who was rarely physically or emotionally present. Don’t date anyone else. Just hope that once this man was done gallivanting all over the world that he’d come back and choose me. Oh hell nah! If a relationship is meant to be it’ll be. Cliché as hell but it’s the truth. Live your life!

“YOU NEED TO BE MORE FEMININE”

If you believe in labels you’d say that I grew up as a “tomboy.” I was surrounded by brothers and male cousins. I loved playing with my Barbie dolls but I also liked being outside hitting a baseball bat. I liked video games and puzzles not makeup and tea parties. As a woman I’m clearly not the cover girl for femininity and I’m 1000% happy with that.

These people (yes, multiple people have told me this) believed that my chances of getting a man would be increased if I just changed a few things about myself. I would’ve agreed if I was easily impressionable…but I’m not. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being feminine IF that’s really who you are. But I refuse to pretend to be something that I’m not just to score a man who will wind up not loving me for me.

“YOU NEED TO COOK MORE”

Oh gosh…where to begin. We all know that saying about men and food. I’ve actually had men complain that I didn’t cook for them. The kicker – I wasn’t in a relationship with them. Laughing at them being so butt hurt was the only thing I could do. To be clear I LOVE to cook and I enjoy baking but these are things are a part of my love language. So I don’t do them for a man just because he shows some interest in me. I feel like men get so much from women these days with such little effort that they expect us all to open the floodgates of favors on command. No sir.

Oh, the person who gave me this piece of advice had been divorced for years and every relationship since the divorce has failed.

“HE HAS $. DEAL WITH IT!”

Earlier this year I was dating a nice guy who was 8 years older than me. He was respectful, he worked out regularly, he was close with the women in his family, was down for road trips and had a good career. A great career. Because of that I was told that I should accept the things about him that I didn’t like. Like the fact that he was inconsistent and that he didn’t have a nurturing bone in his body. I was told to think about the long term financial benefits. He has money now AND he still has potential to earn greatly later in life. I won’t commit myself to someone who is good for my wallet but does nothing for my soul.

The person who gave me this advice didn’t even have a job *sigh* so I guess this thought process would make sense. This person usually advises me greatly but dropped the ball with this one.

“YOU SHOULD GO THROUGH HIS PHONE”

We’ve all seen the videos and memes of people going through their SO’s phone and while it’s funny to watch online I don’t find it funny at all in real life. I used to joke that if a man really wanted to cheat on me he wouldn’t have to try too hard because I believe in giving people their personal space. I’m not going to hound you all day about where you are and who you’re with. I’m not going to question why you don’t answer every single time I call. If I’m in a relationship with you I expect you to be committed and I trust that you’re doing that until you give me reasons to believe otherwise. And then I leave.

This advice was given to me by someone who didn’t trust their boyfriend. He’d cheated on her before and going through phones was obviously routine in their relationship. She asked me straight up, “You don’t go through __’s phone?” Uhhh, no. TF?!

“YOU SHOULD’VE CHECKED HIM”

I have a strong personality and aggression is definitely one of my traits. Because of this people assume that I’m mean in my romantic relationships and that I don’t know how to treat my SO. I once was in a relationship with a man who challenged a family member of mine in a public setting. Of course that person felt disrespected and they in turn got on me for letting my boyfriend get away with it. What they didn’t know is that I ripped my BF a new one once we were alone. There are certain things that I refuse to do in public.

Always be authentic regardless of what other people think. Certain results may be delayed but the end result is always worth it.

What’s some terrible relationship advice that you’ve received in your past? Have you ever taken advice and regretted it?

Until next time…
The_Quirk_Life_Blog

Gift_Ideas_for_Planner_Fanatic
Lifestyle

Gift Ideas for Planner Fanatics

Before I got into using planners a few years back  I had no clue how large the community was. Planning is more than just another hobby. For many people it’s a way of life because it gives them control over their time, which in turn decreases anxiety and scatterbrain. If you have a planner in your life trust me when I say there’s really no such thing as too many accessories for them.

They already have all kinds of planner related crap! What more could they possibly want?

Well my friend, I’m so glad that you asked. Continue Reading

Don't_File_Taxes_Consider_These_Tax_Breaks
Lifestyle

Don’t File Your Tax Return Until You Consider These Tax Breaks

Some people look forward to January and large refunds but there are a lot of folks – like me – who’ll put off filing a return until the April deadline. Whichever end of the spectrum you fall on, there are some things to take into consideration before filing your return and most of them need to be done by 12/31 in order to be honored by the Internal Revenue Service. Continue Reading

Doing_Self_Assessment_at_Work_and_How
Business Tips

Why You Should Write a Self-Assessment & How

Do you dread annual reviews from your manager at work? You’re in good company my friend. In fact, many employers are getting rid of this yearly headache. 45% of HR leaders don’t believe that these reviews are an accurate depiction of employee performance*. If your employer still participates in the annual ritual, you need to be prepared. You don’t have to take whatever they dish out to you and leave the conference room feeling defeated. Performance appraisals should be a conversation with everyone involved in the process contributing and that includes you!

Some employers will suggest or require that you complete a self assessment before the annual review takes place. If they don’t say a peep about it – complete one anyway. Here’s why… Continue Reading

What_to_do_in_First_6_Months_of_Blogging
Blogging

6 Things to Do in Your First 6 Months of Blogging

When I started blogging I assumed that there were certain things that I either didn’t need to do or couldn’t do because my site was new. Through experiences and courses from my blogging mentor I know that The Quirk Life could’ve been successful much sooner. We live and we learn, right? One beautiful thing about the blogging world is that there are several ways that you can succeed in it. So if you’re thinking that you have to wait until you get a ton of experience before you can hit certain milestones with your blog, I’m here to encourage you to get started – TODAY. Here are 6 things that you need to do within 6 months of launching your blog. Continue Reading

Gift_Ideas_Homebody
Lifestyle

Gift Ideas for the Homebody

If you’re at all like me, you start thinking about gift ideas long before it’s time to even pass them out – no matter the occasion. Christmas will be here in a jiffy! I’ve already explained before why us homebodies are so awesome to have as friends/family. If you want to get us them something meaningful this holiday season, the good news is that we’re usually easy to please in the gift department. Keep in mind that homebodies just love making a house into a home. It’s a place of refuge and rejuvenation for us and for anyone who visits. Continue Reading

All in Fun, Television

I’m Going to Be on TV!

I’m a star ya’ll!

OK not exactly but maybe one day? When Wendy Williams was fresh on the TV scene I was in her studio audience. I was even in one of her commercials for the show! Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures from my moment of fame back then.

But alas, my time has again come!

There’s a brand new show airing this month on the Food Network called The Baker Sisters. Earlier this year they came to Atlanta to film an episode at Cami Cakes Cupcakes and I was in the building! I had sooooo much fun and the show’s crew was very professional about everything. I wasn’t able to get many photos because of the rules on set but it was a day to remember. And I got to eat a bunch of cupcakes for FREE?! Can you say “dream job?!” Continue Reading

Setting_Mood_for_Good_Writing_Session
Writing

How I Set the Mood for a Good Writing Session

I literally write something everyday. Some of it doesn’t take a lot of thought: like journaling, writing letters or inking my plans for the week into my planner. Then there’s the writing that takes a lot out of me. Even though these assignments are my passion and calling in life they pull a lot of creative energy from and I need to focus to produce something of quality.

Lately I’ve been approached by people who don’t profess themselves to be ” writers” and they ask stuff like…

“How do you just come up with ideas like that?”
“How do you keep from getting distracted?”
“How do you do it?!”

Before I get to any kind of work I always set a certain mood to get my creative juices going. I keep these methods going and don’t change simply because it works for me. Continue Reading

How_to_Resign_from_Job_Professionally
Business Tips

How to Resign from a Job Professionally

I know a lot of people on the hunt for better jobs or who have recently accepted new offers! Congratulations to you all!

For anyone still looking for a new position, based on research and my own personal experiences, this is one of the best times of the year to apply. Summer vacations are over and children are back in school. So the important decision makers of a company will be around for the hiring process. If you’re hoping to get into the federal government, their fiscal year ends on September 30th each year. Which means that they’ll be doing quite a bit of hiring for the last 3 months of the year.

Even if you don’t have a new job offer in hand, you may have a feeling that your time is coming! It’s not too early to start thinking of your resignation letter. Remember that these letters aren’t usually required, but of course you do still need to let your employer know if you’re planning to quit and when. You can do this verbally or through an email (I had to do this once because all of my superiors were out of the office). It’s really a personal preference, but I do suggest some kind of paper trail over the verbal option whether it’s a physical piece of paper or an email.

My clients are sometimes nervous about turning in a resignation letter and I always tell them that this isn’t personal, it’s business. There are two things that should be included and they’re very basic: the announcement that you’re leaving and when your last day will be. You don’t have to go into specifics unless you want to. Here’s a resignation letter that I turned in to one of my old managers. Continue Reading

Phrases_to_Boost_Black_King_Spirit
Relationships

10 Phrases to Boost the Spirit of Your Black King

I love black men. That’s a fact. It doesn’t change even though this country consistently portrays them in a negative light. The world tries to tear them down, but I won’t. I’m not perfect and I didn’t always use my tongue to build these Kings up in the past. I do believe that as young women we’ve underestimated how much power truly lied in our words at some point. Even when a man puts on an act like he isn’t listening – he might actually be. When you give him advice and he does the opposite – it doesn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t take what you had to say into consideration.

I didn’t always think this way. I used to talk AT men instead of TO them. I didn’t nurture them. I wasn’t sensitive to how hard this world was on them because I was raised to believe in the justice system. These days I know better. Supporting your King mentally and emotionally doesn’t always have to be a super deep or complex ritual. Try using these phrases on him. Continue Reading