When I chose to give my virginity away it was a no brainer for me. I had a boyfriend and I was in (puppy) love with him. You couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t going to marry this boy and have all his babies. So naturally I chose him to be my “first.” I was aware of abstinence but no one put pressure on me to wait until marriage or a certain point in my life before having sex.
Of course I’m not with the boy anymore but giving him my virginity isn’t something that I regret. Times have changed a lot and women are able to be free with their bodies and not get ridiculed about it as much (tattoos, piercings, tight clothes, fishnet tights, thongs – you get it). Some young girls and women still feel the pressure of not having sex until marriage or some other pivotal point in their lives. This is especially true for people who come from a religious family. The argument is “there’s more to you than what’s between your legs. Let a man appreciate your totality as a person. Make him respect you.”
I know they mean well. But this can be a bit counteractive, don’t you think? They say she’s SOOO much more than her genitals and body but that’s what keeps getting drilled in her head. Speaking from personal experience, here are some things that are much more difficult to choose than a sexual partner.
-Your accountant/tax preparer: who wants to be in trouble with the IRS? Not me! Choose wisely!
-A wedding date: what will the weather be like? Will people be out of town? Is the venue easy to get to? Ugh, so much to think about!
-A bank: interest rates, fees, customer service rating, how many branches in the area…? Tough call.
-A wedding guest: He must be handsome, charming and know how to dress! Going alone isn’t so bad though! Check out this post, “Why It’s Good to be Single at a Wedding”.
-A hair cut: ready for a drastic change! But if you cut too short you’ll have to go through that awkward stage when it starts growing back. Does this one look good with my face shape? Bangs will cover my fleeked brows. *sigh*
-A car: this is a big commitment!
-Songs for a perfect playlist: not easy! All songs must flow and transition into each other nicely.
-Nail polish color: what brand is it? How does this shade look on my complexion? Is it too “loud”? Decisions decisions…
-…or nail shape: square, coffin, stiletto, round? Ugh when did dressing up your hands become so hard?!
-What to eat: need I say anymore? Didn’t think so. You know.
Alright obviously there’s a bit of sarcasm here. But seriously….
Please stop making girls/women feel like their vagina is the biggest part of their identity. I know of stories where the good intentions behind this lesson has backfired. I even went through it myself. I stopped having sex for an extended period and when I finally slept with someone I loved I cried! Fortunately this was someone who cared for me and didn’t make me feel like a psycho. Sure virtue is important but is that where all the emphasis should be? Teach a young girl about budgeting her money, how to take care of her skin, the importance of a good credit score. Help her understand that there’s a huge world out there and she should travel. Encourage her to read at least one book each month. Yeah those are a good start. Keep her vagina out of your mouth. Pun intended.
Were you pressured to “wait”? What are your views on the subject?
Until next time…