By now you probably know that I’m seeing a therapist. It’s one of the best decisions that I’ve made for myself. If you’re thinking about finding a therapist you might wonder if it’ll be worth it. The short version is AB-SO-FREAKING-LUTELY. OK – ‘yes’ is the shortest version. Here are some things that will happen once you get into the routine of seeing a therapist.
You think before you act: are you impulsive? Does your anger take you from 0 to 100 in an instant? Do you find yourself tired from overextending (taking on too many obligations, always helping people out of binds)? Therapy will help you understand why you do these things and make you think before doing them. Hopefully that time you use to think things through will lead you to do the opposite of what you normally do.
You’ll be more in tune with your emotions: whew this was a big one for me. I spent a lot of years pretending I was fine when I wasn’t. Being strong for people who weren’t as tough as me mentally. I made it seem like things weren’t bothering me when they were. Does this sound like you? Therapy can address this. Knowing what you feel even if you aren’t fully sure why you feel them is a part of a healthy well-being. We’re not much good to other people when we’re emotionally constipated.
You’ll learn your triggers: and how to keep them at bay. For example – when someone commits to being celibate they probably won’t have someone they’re attracted to at their house late at night. The same concept can be applied here. Whatever the issues are that you want to overcome, there are people places and things that you’ll have to avoid for a time.
You’ll learn to take better care of yourself: I enjoy going to therapy and talking to my therapist about what’s going on with me but I also have to accept homework assignments. Sometimes I have to do things like journal my feelings, eat healthy meals throughout the day and polish my nails. These things might not seem like much to an outsider looking in but these are “self-care” tasks. Being in therapy will show you ways that you’re neglecting to care for your entire being.
You gain a trusted confidant: one who will be honest with you and never tell anyone about what you two talk about (unless you’re considering harming yourself or someone else). They don’t judge and always remain objective in helping you get better rather than tell you something based off of emotions. I can’t tell you how much of a relief this is!
You’ll wonder why you didn’t go sooner: That moment when you get your first professional massage. That moment when Bae rubs your scalp. That moment when you take your bra off after the longest day ever. That’s the kind of relief that comes with good and effective therapy.
Having therapy sessions is kind of like any other kind of relationship – you get back what you put in. So basically if you want it to work you have to work it. If you want these positive changes then you must be willing to follow the instruction of your therapist. This is assuming that you’re in agreement with the treatment idea and you trust your therapist. You must be open to the idea that positive change can and will happen in your life now and in the future as long as you’re committed to yourself. And why wouldn’t you be? You’re a great catch. *wink*
Do you think there are any negatives to seeing a therapist?
After this post you might might be considering getting a therapist. If so, great! Personally, making that call to set up the first appointment was hard. I straight up told my therapist that even though I neededto talk to her, I really didn’t want to. I also didn’t know what exactly would happen at the first appointment.
I’ve been seeing a therapist every week – surprise surprise! Until now there were only a handful of people who knew that. Now the whole world wide web knows – sorry mom. It’s been on my heart to share this with my readers because there is still a stigma surrounding mental health especially in the black community. We can share silly memes like this one:
Photo Cred: IG – everythinglovely
…but we shy away from the real issues. Those days have come to an end for me. OK MAYBE I still act a tad crazy but I’ve stopped avoiding my issues and am working to be a better person! Here are the reasons why I decided to get my life back in order by seeing a therapist. Continue Reading
Uncomfortable moments are my life. There’s really no way around it and I know I’m not alone. Unless you live in a bubble here are 7 awkward moments you’ve probably experienced.
The store stalker. You’re walking around the grocery store minding your own business shopping just as happy as can be. You spot someone as you pick up a bunch of bananas. Then you keep on going to the cereal aisle and there they are again. This time you smile just to be polite and then head to the frozen foods section. And…yup you guessed it – that same person is there. Do we literally have the same shopping list? Are you following me? Wait – am I following you? Alright I’m confused now guess I’d better just head to the register. Continue Reading
First things first. In order to even get an interview you must stand out in a sea of applicants. I’ve written some posts already that will help you do just that. Use them for guidance before putting in your next application.
Alright, you’ve scored big points with the recruiter. Now they’ve invited you to do an interview. I’ve said before that job interviews are a two way street. Today I’m going into how you make that happen. Continue Reading
I’ve been rocking natural hair since 2011. I did the “big chop” and haven’t even touched a relaxer since. As it grew longer, people kept telling me to get it pressed so they could see how long it really was. Even my hair stylist at the time asked me multiple times to let her do it. For me it wasn’t a big deal to have straight hair anymore. I’d had it as long as I could remember.
One time I did have a full sew in and left a piece of my hair out to blend. I was exercising 5 times a week and pressed that leave out piece after each workout so it would lay flat. Big mistake! Those pieces of hair never returned to my natural curling pattern again – ever. I had to wait for it to grow out and trim it off which took a couple of years. Continue Reading
I always said I’d never do the online dating thing. I didn’t think it was a “bad” idea and I know of many success stories. I just felt like it wasn’t for me. I’m a vibrant 20 something year old not a 45 year old divorced mom. No shade. Point being that I actually have time to go out and be social. I can meet a man myself if I want. I don’t need a website to do that for me. Continue Reading
You may or may not know that outside of writing this blog, I run a writing and editing firm. One of my favorite things to do is work on resumes for my clients. And I always recommend having multiple resumes especially if you’re scouting for jobs in more than one field. In case you haven’t noticed, the one page resume is trending and has been for awhile. I am not against longer resumes at all. And there isn’t any one rule that can be applied to every resume. In fact I actually have a few resume versions that are two pages even though they’re not my “go to” choices. Continue Reading
How are you feeling? Good? Overwhelmed? Content? A variation of all three?
Sometimes life just gets weird, ya know? But lately I’ve decided to take better care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally. For one I’ve stopped working so much and am doing more things that make me happy no matter how small it may seem. Sure I’m all about ambition but before that I’m Candace. I can’t forget that and you shouldn’t forget who you are either. Here are some things that should put a smile on your face. Continue Reading
These are two questions that I get asked on a regular basis. I’m not sure why it’s difficult for people to comprehend. Maybe because I’m still fat. But meat isn’t necessarily unhealthy so that’s not the reason I stopped eating it. Find the reason here. For the record, I’m still fat because I eat a bunch of other bad things like ice cream pints (in one sitting), buttery homemade pizza dough and cheesy pasta to name a few. Continue Reading